I can relate.

Imagine him holding his breath, jaw on the floor.  He couldn't find the words or any strength in his body to move.  He had heard rumors but didn't believe it.  He had been hiding and depressed and hearing those rumors only rubbed salt in the wounds.  Flashbacks of all that he had seen, places he had been with Him and the the unforgettable sound of His voice that had echoed in Thomas' heart.  Now in front of him stood his very reason for living these past 3 years.  Jesus.

I can identify with Thomas the most out of all of the disciples.  He saw all the miracles.  He heard the words that burned like a fire in all of their hearts.  He walked where Jesus walked, slept where Jesus slept.  But he still didn't believe it when he was told Jesus had risen.  I can only imagine the brokenness and humility that Thomas felt when Jesus told him to touch His side and feel the scars in his hands.  I believe that the rebuke Jesus gave was so full of love.

The bible doesn't give us much about Thomas after that and his reputation will forever be "doubting Thomas".  I actually can't wait to talk to him when I get to heaven.  What an impact that must of had on him!  I am not sure why more wasn't written about what type of ministry he had or how he used that experience to reach others with the good news.

Jesus told him that whoever believes without seeing would be blessed.  I have seen God do amazing, jaw dropping, shouting glory kind of things.  But I think when Jesus died on the cross, Thomas felt his purpose die.  I am sure that Thomas had other connections and other things he could do that had his purpose attached to it.  But the very person he believed in had been murdered and he didn't even try to stick by Jesus' side! 

Looking into those eyes so full of love and fire, I imagine communicated more than Jesus' last recorded statement to Thomas.  His purpose was not dead.  His purpose was more alive! 

Now I know that my purpose is not solely to be a parent.  And I know that there is so much more to my life than just adopting or naturally carrying a child.  But I can relate to that feeling that what you thought was true ended up turning out different.  Thomas got his answer a lot quicker than we have.  Nonetheless, the death, burial and the grave in the beginning seemed to be the end.  But we all know it was just the beginning and through it we can experience true freedom!  I feel in the same way, the end of this adoption, with this couple is not the end.  It is only the beginning.  And through this we are going to experience more freedom.  That sweet little baby girl in Hope's arms tonite does not belong to me.  In fact she doesn't belong to Hope or Jeremiah.  She belongs to Papa God. 

I wrote her a letter today.  I told her how much we love her and how excited we were and how sad we are.  I pray that her mommy and daddy will treasure her EVERY DAY and that they will follow Jesus whole-heartedly.  Then one day lead her to Jesus.  I pray her innocence is kept pure until God brings her soul mate.  I pray she finds joy and peace and becomes a bright light for God's kindgom.  And then I released her to the Lord, because she never belonged to me anyway.  She always belonged to HIM.