Love is a risk.

I stood in the bathroom at our dorm, crying on my friend Charity's shoulder.  My heart had been broken and in hurt I said "I'm not going to allow my heart to love like this again!"  Charity held me tight and said "Jenny, Love is risk and God wants us to love."  Those words have come to me several times since that conversation. 

With a broken heart and tear stained face I sit here typing this.  This week one year ago we were in the adoption process for a baby boy and I got the phone call from the birthmom that she changed her mind.  Fear gripped me today when our attorney called and shared the news that Hope and Jeremiah had contacted the social worker to say they had changed their minds and wanted to parent.  First let me say that placing your child for adoption has to be one of the MOST DIFFICUlT decisions.  Hope and Jeremiah both are loving and wonderful people.  I AM NOT ANGRY.  We are heartbroken.  This is a loss for us.  We had already had a challenging past two weeks with work stuff and fill in the blank stuff. 

Thank you to everyone who have supported us with the Eliana project.  We love Hope, Jeremiah and baby Eliana so much.  She has not been born yet.  We continue to pray for them.  Right now we are in the grieving process.  Once again we have an empty nursery.  It might be hard for some to understand but this is a loss.  We will not be bringing a baby girl home from the hospital.

For those who have given monetary donations, if you would like your donation refunded please contact me.  I will put my information at the end of this post.  For those who bought tshirts or participated in our photo session fundraiser, we will be donating the money to children care packages in the Ukraine. I know of an adoptive mom who is heading this up and am about to contact her.  If you made a monetary donation and want it to go to the Ukraine orphanage please let me know as well.

I know for a while this is going to be a difficult time for us.  We have counselors we are going to be seeing.  We are not giving up the dream of adoption, just taking time to heal.  Please pray for us.  Times like these fill us with questions.  Those who are close,  I know it feels awkard because you may not know what to say.  I ask please just love on us and let us bring up the topic when we are ready to talk about it.  Its difficult to discuss such deep emotion when you are not ready to share with others.  We love you all.  We love Hope and Jeremiah.  We know God's got us in His hands.
My number is 329-3770,  my address is 1001 Hillsboro Lane, Helena, Al 35080 and my email is hickey_jenny@yahoo.com if you need to contact me concerning your monetary donation.